Bundle of Joy
by Coletta
Summary: Alucard brings something home. Mother's Day one-shot.


The creature in the alley was more harpy than vampire--a cruel, twisted hag with none of the beauty of a vampire. She was old. Old and recently roused from a long sleep, not yet recovered from decades of hibernation. She had targeted infants, sneaking into nurseries and hospitals and snatching the pudgy, succulent ones. The resulting ghouls were heartbreaking to destroy, and much more difficult to cover-up.

He showed no outward sign of it. He had revealed his disgust to no one. But Alucard was sickened by her. He had needed no order to hunt her down. Even now, her whereabouts were only just being reported to Hellsing, but Alucard had been on the hunt all night. He was determined to make her dust long before Integra's summon.

It had something in its hand. Something that twitched.

Alucard noticed and he flinched. His firearm discharged unexpectedly.

But the bullet whizzed by her ear.

Her head jerked up and faced Alucard; her face was a pale, swollen husk, her eyes were empty voids. Her fangs were thin and needle-like. She hissed at the vampire and dropped her swaddled pray on the ground. Released from her hypnotic embrace, it began to wail.

"Look what you did," Alucard chastised coldly before taking his second shot. He was glad no one was around to see he had used two bullets.

The harpy dropped like a brick, her head blown away.

The wailing infant's voice ratcheted in alarm at the sound.

Casually, Alucard approached the crumbling pile of dust. "Foul hag."

The infant struggled and screamed, its swollen red face peeking out of it's wrap. It began to hiccup in effort.

Then Alucard felt an invisible tug, and he paused.

Another tug, and a silver chime in his ear. Ah, his master was calling him.

He stared down at the wailing thing.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Integra stood the moment she saw Alucard materialize. "Alucard, we've received a report that…"

"I laid an egg," Alucard announced, interrupting his master. He hefted the small, smelly creature against his chest. "The circle of life is complete."

Integra paused. Then she planted her fists hips and leaned against her desk. She wanted to looked irritated, but there was a suppressed smirk trailing across her face. "Alucard, what is this? You can't bring home every human you save from the enemy."

"Nonsense, this is my progeny," Alucard said. "Now I shall crawl back to the ocean for eighty years…"

"Shut up and give that to me before you drop it," Integra demanded. "I guess this means you already eliminated the target…" She tried to concentrate, but the face peeking at her was tiny, especially in comparison to Alucard's big hands. She was nervous he would accidently crush it in his inhuman grip.

Alucard brought her the baby, smirking.

"Oh, god, it smells awful," Integra grimaced, stepping back. "What did you do to it?"

"Let it baste in its natural juices," Alucard replied, taking back the baby and bouncing it a little. "You _stink_," the vampire praised. _"__Copilaş."_

Integra watched, perplexed.

Alucard Absently rubbed the baby's back, smiling. As he held the baby, it chewed on his lapel and left a gooey residue.

Integra continued to stare at the odd scene. Watching the dead vampire hold an infant, gleaming with new life made her skin crawl. But that the hulking vampire seemed perfectly at ease holding the tiny thing unnerved her more. "You could have left it anonymously at a fire station or a hospital," Integra mused.

"I thought I shouldn't delay obeying your order."

Integra cocked her head. "Why didn't you tell me you suspected a vampire afoot?"

"Stopping her was most important. I think you would agree." Alucard looked up at his master, a different kind of smile ghosting his face--a smile that mostly shone through his eyes rather than his mouth full of teeth. "Are you ready to hold it?"

Integra's hands twitch. "I would like it, yes."

"Do you know how? I've never seen you with a child."

Integra reached her hands up. "How hard could it be?"

Alucard did not hand Integra the baby. Instead he sidled up beside her and settled the baby into his forearms slowly, shifting its weight from his chest to his arms. "He's very small, but that body is heavier than it looks--everything that's inside of you is inside him, all the same organs and bones and tissue, all compacted down into that tiny form. And most of that weight is in his head. Cradle his head equally with his body. Don't let his head flop around or you'll break his neck." With that, Alucard turned slightly, pressing the baby towards Integra.

But she suddenly froze. "No--no, never mind. I don't want to hold him."

Alucard smirked. "You said you wanted him. You thought he was too delicate for me to hold, so you take him."

Integra stepped back. "But…its so fragile. You've made me nervous…"

"It's exactly as fragile as it looks, which is why he belongs in a human's care." Alucard stepped forward. "I won't let you drop him. Take him. It's okay."

Gingerly, Integra snaked her arms through Alucard's and the baby's head rested in the crook of her arm, her hands supporting its heavy bottom. Alucard let his arms drop slowly, and a second later, Integra supported the baby alone.

It _was_ heavy. Dense, and…lumpy.

"Lumpy," Alucard said, repeating her thoughts. "That's a good word. Like there's too much spine stuffed in that back."

Slowly, very slowly, Integra lifted the baby up so that his head rested against her breast. The thing breathed loudly and rhythmically, but didn't wake up. "How can something that small be so…dense?" Integra wondered.

Alucard nodded. "You were that small once. So was I."

Integra chuckled. "I don't believe that. You were never this size." She pushed her pinky into the baby's fist and watched the little hand closed around her digit. "It's kind of creepy. It's like a little monster."

Alucard cocked his head to the right. "Do you like him?"

"It reeks." Integra stroked its back. "I like him fine."

His eyes had a red gleam. "Do you want to keep him?"

Integra froze. "What?"

"If I hadn't intervened, he would be dead." Alucard inserted his own gloved finger into the infant's hand and watched the tiny hand squeeze. "We could keep him and no one would know any different."

"I sincerely hope you're being factitious," Integra said, glaring at him.

There was a timid knock on the door. "Ma'am?"

Integra looked at the door and then back at Alucard.

Alucard's expression didn't change.

Integra looked back at the door. "Come in."

Seras Victoria opened the door. "Ma'am, the police are reporting…ooooh!" Seras squealed. "An adorable little baby! Where did that come from?"

Integra hefted the baby. "Alucard rescued him. We need to reunite him with his parents, though. They must be living a nightmare right now."

Seras bolted across the room and oogled at the tiny infant. "Oh, I wanna hold him. Oh he's so cute and stinky." Seras didn't wait for Integra, she immediately snuggled her arms around the infant and squeezed him into her soft, generous bosom. "Yes you are, so stinky." Seras looked up at Integra with a glint in her eye. "You can count on me, Sir! I will make sure he gets back to his mum and dad."

Integra shook her head at Sera's over the top enthusiasm. "Thank you, Seras."

Quickly, Seras bolted just as quickly out of the room, her tiny bounty in hand.

Alucard watched them go with longing.

Integra followed Alucard's gaze silently.

Alucard looked back at Integra. "Of course I was."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

the end


End file.
